Difficult feelings

It is probably within your experience, as it is in mine, that certain feelings are not easily expressed in society.  We’d certainly expect it regarding anger, we’ve heard that one! ‘Calm down,’ ‘go off and have a time-out,’ they have a ‘terrible temper.’  Also sadness, ‘come on, cheer up,’ or  ‘turn that frown upside-down.’ If you think about times when you are angry, or sad, it takes a certain kind of person to be around you in that moment.  They may not even speak, they are just there, they can resonate and almost bear witness to you finding equilibrium or self-soothing.  

Other people may ostracise us, try to fix what we’re feeling or nudge us out of whatever we’re feeling.  It may be done under the umbrella of compassion, a desire to move us on, or maybe certain feelings make a part of themselves feel uncomfortable or vulnerable?

Maybe we don’t know what to do with their emotion when we are faced with it ourselves.  Irvin Yalom describes moments when we are stuck as an opportunity to learn about a part of ourselves we are less familiar with.  If I cannot come to terms with my feelings of anger,  how can I ever expect to bear witness to yours? So I note when I am angry or frustrated, or when I find your feelings unbearable, then I can become curious instead of being repelling, rejecting or reacting to yours. We need to feel our feelings! 

The importance of embracing and understanding our emotions is covered in detail by Karla McLaren, she explains that our emotions are valuable messengers bringing valuable insight into what we need - a way to develop a deeper emotional intelligence and further our well-being (disclaimer - we have to be prepared to explore and acknowledge them in the first place.)

If you’re editing a part of yourself or keeping it hidden away then people never truly see you. Are you numbing feelings by keeping busy or using something else to avoid them? We value being seen, we benefit from being understood and accepted. If you’re recognising how you feel inside does not match what you present to others within your circle then maybe it is time to begin to honour your true self? 

‘Emotions are celebrated and repressed, analyzed and medicated, adored and ignored — but rarely, if ever, are they honored.’

- Karla McLaren