Demanding attention in school: demanding attachment?
It’s really difficult being a person. We’re one of many but our needs are of course very unique too. The classroom is a microcosm of that - teachers know this, every child matters but having time to address both academic and emotional needs…well. That can seem like a luxury but it is done successfully every day, there are lots of unique pupils out there who are well-known by their teachers. Teachers attempt to do this because they know that to understand the individual, to attach good emotions to learning, is a hidden curriculum and a highway to someone actualising.
Therapists know this too, each client is unique. The relationship is EVERYTHING. The difference is that teachers aren’t dealing with one client at a time! No matter how inclusive a class is there is always the risk that someone doesn’t feel included, or their emotional need is too great. If things really falter, pupils can be left feeling detached and their resulting behaviour can lead to exclusion. Nobody wants this - schools want to solve the situation, pupils are left in limbo and parents are left worried.
Teachers are fantastic at knowing their class and understanding the individual needs but pace, progression and the busy school life mean that sometimes someone needs more, and the relationship is tested. Not forever… it’s possible to get back on track and feel secure. It is the same for parents - trying to manage a busy life when a child is refusing to enter school can be overwhelming. And it can feel like it is going on forever.
It is easy to feel defensive, as parents, as the pupil, and as teachers but the most important thing is that we start to listen to and identify the pain and discomfort behind the behaviour. We must understand and identify the feeling and then we repair it, we seek to grow awareness of what happened so we can identify it, name it and note when it happens again. The most disconcerting thing is not understanding what is happening. If I felt that I’d find it difficult being a regulated, communicative person too.
