Yesterday a colleague was talking about Carl Rogers and came up with an absolute gem - the insight of the man behind person-centred therapy stands the test of time. I thought it might be useful to pull up some quotes by Rogers and think about them today…starting with this gem!

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

I think it’s really hard to hold a mirror up to ourselves, which is what we do when we open up. Rogers’ core conditions of empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard allow the holding of that mirror to be possible. If we can bear that, and gain some perspective, we have a starting point. I feel like the therapist holds the mirror at first then passes it over.

“In my early professional years, I was asking the question: How can I treat, cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?”

Still absolutely true! The relationship makes all the difference - this is seen in the statistics for all therapies and I feel it every time a new relationship is developed. Another person actualising - it’s a privilege to witness actually.

“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

That’s useful - if I attend to the condition of the compass and make sure that is in as good a working order as it can be, I’ll get where I need to. 

“The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

I love this as an educator. Retaining facts is one thing, but learning how to learn is really where it’s at. If we think about it, we might get quite far just by adding a zero when multiplying by ten (about as far as year 2!) but sooner or later someone will ask us to multiply a decimal and our whole understanding falls apart. This applies to how we think about ourselves, if we stay rigid and inflexible with the ‘just add zero’ rules that we live our life by it can be painful when we are confronted with situations where that just don’t work!

“When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good…”

We must resist the urge to fix. We need someone to hear us and understand how we’re feeling because it can be isolating to hold that information and believe we are the only person who has felt this way.

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if I can let them be… When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner”… I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.

Yes, I think if we edit sunsets in the moment we’re missing something. We need to be more like Bob Ross and appreciate the imperfections that make things authentic.

“I’m not perfect, but I’m enough.”

.A daily battle for many people but being good enough isn’t quitting! We’re not fighting for a place on the Apprentice. Maybe some days we do hit 100% as a friend, a partner, a parent or a colleague. But maybe something between 0% and 99% allows me to retain a part of myself and recover?